3 Tips For Achieving The Body You Want This Year

Look, being comfortable in your own skin is an important thing for all of us, and loving both yourself and your body plays an important factor in your overall health and well being as a human being. Too many people are scared to make the changes necessary to achieving their goals, be it lack of immediate results causing them to quit, lack of motivation, or not having the support they need to achieve what they set out to do.

A year ago, I finally had enough with feeling the way I did, so I made a goal and took the steps necessary to achieving the body I’ve always wanted to have, and while I’m not quite there yet, a careful regimen of hard work, perseverance, and the best support system a guy could ask for have landed me well on my way to having the body of well known conservative radio personality, author, and political commentator, Rush Limbaugh.

Here are a few tips to help you achieve your goals.

  1. Start Each Day With A Set Routine

A routine is extraordinarily important to achieving your fitness goals, and it helps you start each day feeling refreshed and ready to take on your life. That’s why, each day for the last year, I have woken up at 4AM, turned on FOX News, and drank an entire gallon container of Member’s Mark 100% pure maple syrup for breakfast. It’s important to note that the liberal media will toss out fancy words for this behavior’s consequences like, “Bad Cholesterol” or, “Imminent Cardiac Arrest,” but that’s just hearsay designed to get you to buy in to their leftist agenda. This morning routine, combined with the anger I feel as a result of hearing about the news of whatever those damn hippies have been up to each day, fully allows me to continue on my path of achieving the body and lifestyle of conservative radio personality, author, and political commentator, Rush Limbaugh.

  1. Turn Your Work Space Into Your Fitness Center

This one is very important. I often read about people who swap out their swivel chair for a medicine ball or something similar so they can put in some extra calorie burning time at the office. This works for some, of course, but for my own purposes, I know I’m not going to achieve the cholesterol riddled, heart-attack-waiting-to-happen body of absolute blow hard, conservative radio personality, author, and political commentator, Rush Limbaugh by doing anything like that. Instead, I stock my work space with a mini-fridge filled with Coca-Cola cans, a tub of butter, and a few dozen individually wrapped ice cream sandwiches to satisfy my never-ending hunger throughout the day to help fuel my never-ending self loathing for all of the liberal garbage being spewed into the public limelight each and every week in this country.  Keeping your goals in mind at work is extraordinarily important to achieving success.

  1. Surround Yourself With Those Who Motivate You

It’s no secret that every person on this planet needs some sort of a support system to help them achieve their success. I’m no different. That’s why each day, I field phone calls from many like-minded individuals to myself to support my statements that Affirmative Action is destroying this country and taking our jobs away. Just look at the Obama White House. My interactions with these people keep me grounded, mostly unable to get out of my chair without the assistance of several aids and people on my staff, this of course being the result of my continued efforts to achieve the fat, disgusting, horribly unhealthy body of raving lunatic, absolutely gross and disgusting, conservative radio personality, author, and political commentator, Rush Limbaugh. In another year’s time, this support structure of great Americans will help me become completely bed-ridden and on constant watch for a near death cardiac event.

So there you have it, folks, your dream body is well within your reach if you just follow these 3 simple steps religiously, the kind of religiously that swings elections and bastardizes basic human rights.

With a little bit of hard work, effort, and a caloric intake of about 3,000 calories per day, you too can achieve the body of one of this country’s most beloved medical disasters waiting to happen, conservative radio personality, author, and political commentator, Rush Limbaugh.


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